| cowboys on acid. |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|03:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sublime | ] |
everyone come out and support hippiesmell
at the halfshell on july 6 at 9. |
|
|
| hanging out down the street the same old thing we did last week. |
[May. 22nd, 2006|07:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | that 70s show | ] |
i go to work.
listen to nirvana.
get high.
and watch that 70s show.
i have no real friends.
fuck up relationships.
lost touch with alot of people.
bestfriend is getting locked up.
take ged test on wednesday.
supposed to move out
buut cant due to two guys fighting
over me.
i miss you.
i hate you.
i want you.
i need you.
i have you.
i push you away.
i want you back.
i hate you.
then i
love you.
hate you
for the last time. |
|
|
| go home and get stoned cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me! |
[May. 6th, 2006|02:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | better than e hinder. | ] |
my life is extreanly exciting.
but quite confuising and difficult. |
|
|
| lifes a bowl of punch go ahead and spike it. |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|11:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  random. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jimmies chicken shack. | ] |
okay doctors have to be wrong.
and im right.
im most definitely bi-polar.
theres no other explanation for my behavior.
and i think its weird how people call me slow but say im smart?
hm oxymoron much?
i dont like fake people.
they make me wanna throw random items at their heads.
and im over peoples laguna beach obsession.
that show is so dick.
things in my life are really ironic.like,
i hear a song that reminds me of someone
and then they will call or ill see them or what not.right after it.
or ill be thinking about a particular thing or a certain individual
and someone will say it or say something that relates to that person,
and i sit there and feel stupid because im wondering if i was thinking out loud or something of the matter.
..yes, i know.
im extremely eccentric.
i like my job most of the time.
i work with alot of chill people.
and i've become really good friends with two of them.
brian and i stole a keg last night
from some stupid high school kid's party.
it was awesome.
pittsburg vs. cincinatti game tomorrow at 1.
i've got money on that jank.
am i gonna lose it?
NOT A CHANCE.
the steelers will kick the bengals ass.
i like my life.
i like my friends.
i like you.
im random.
your a chode.
and thats the way i like it. |
|
|
| YES! |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|02:17 pm] |
COXbeatFC!
thank you falcons,
you gave me yet another reason to dislike fc. |
|
|
| summertime and the livins easy. |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|02:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | stay positive and love your life. | ] |
im not too into name dropping so heres to the summer of 05' which could have gone better but fuck it it was still great:crazymemories.shortime friends.oh so many cigarettes.graduation parties.summer school.acid.hiding in closets.lieslieslies.maturing.acting immature.variety bagsofpot.good friends.losing good friends.drunken nights.stupid drunk girls.fighting.and all the other normal dramatic situations.washing someonelses hair for them cause they're just plain lazy.slurpees, both kinds.a dad thinking you "wear out" his son.boyfriends.fuck buddies.and just plain friends that are guys.beasting in beer pong.new pieces.311 concert.soaking wet at warped tour.and all the other punkrawk shit.tripleC.waking up in someone elses clothes.spending more time at someone elses house then you do at yours.turkoon.inside jokes.treating someone like shit and still having them there for you.longer than long phone conversations.all nighters.nights when your just too drunk.people who know you better then you know yourself.freezepops.enemies.boysboysboysboys.stupid fights over nothing.ecsc.being paranoid and thinking your gonna die cause your just so fucked up.songs that remind you of a certain time place or person.redoak/redrover.experimental drugs.having the time of your life doing nothing.videogames.sexual intercourse.discovering what you should have known all along.laughing til your stomach hurts.seeing someone you havent seen in a long time and remembering all the fun shit that went on back in the day.meeting new people.4th of july.smoking bluntafterblunt of someone elses weed.the way you feel when you see someone you like.knowing theres always gonna be someone to spend time with if plans fall through.having someone to consider your best friend.and having a million memories with them.chillen with people who know how to party.not being around highschoolbullshit.making amends with former enemies.exboyfriends.finding out how much someone really cares for you.being an insomniac.not having a set time to wake up every morning.mixed drinks when you wanna be a pussy drinker.jello shooters,a bottle of parrotbay, absolutvodka, capt morgan,and numerous beer bongs when you feel like getting crunk.watching people jam.not being bothered by any pigs.CHILL.staying away from girls as much as possible.even chiller.having a good sister to talk to about anything and cover up for you.having a search party sent out for you.bringing old and new friends together.skinnydipping.parents being chill.passing summerschool.the hot guy you met at community service that wanted to date you.turning him down for a old lust.being a bitch.and realizing that sometimes thats what you have to do.riding next to a K-9 cop with dank all the way down independence.saying goodbye to people going to college.anticipating when its your time to leave for college.accepting the fact that you have no other choice but to spend the next twoyears at firstcolonial.chronic ass pies.calling4756278peopleto bitch about quiznos owner.not having a job but still managing to get money for everything you need.unwanted phone calls.nights at the beach.you and your lies,me and mine.all the bonghits,bowlrips,and L's imaginable.just being completely randomandretarded with your best friend atthetime.getting through unnessary dramabullshit.recently having very few of that in your life.getting taken out to dinner.seeing stupid movies when your bored.only being in troule a total of a week the whole summer.chillen when you just feel like chillen.being a complete stoner and unbelieveably lazy.sleeping all dayandstayin up all night.noticing that your family isnt all that bad,cause theyre basically just as gay as you.making a fool out of yourself and just not giving a shit.driving all day from place to place.going through a cartoon of cigarettes in one night,clearly i was undertheinfluence of a narcotic.knowing you dont have to get fucked up everynight to be happy,but still wanting to just for the fuck of it.beasters.chronic.the lizard bong.finding out the word horny comes from "the similarity between an erect penis and a horn" HAHAHA yeah right what douche bags.being fat.happy hippie.the saturn hat.stealing coricidin mass times.the alarm going off in kroger and running home down the alley.being a total and complete bitch to people who deserve it.hornyness.looking at webshots and criticizing people.the beached whale.eating food.did i mention boys? almost crashing, many times.beating the 007 PS2 game and being extremely stoked.marlboro reds.not having money,and someone covering the expenses for you.summer flings.many many drugs.and various other things in which i probably dont remember or havent listed above that occured in the summer of my first sophmore year,considering im going to have to repeat this grade due to the bullshit i pulled last year.but all in all im happy and nothing else matters.yeah ill tap that. |
|
|
| theres always something not to miss. |
[Aug. 26th, 2005|03:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | frolic room | ] |
i saw 311 last night.it was absolutely amazing.
before the show i did shrooms.i wasnt tripping as much as i hoped to but then i realized it doesnt matter 311 will kick ass no matter what state of mind im in.and it definitely did.im so thrilled that i got to see them and i was so close to the stage.i could just feel the music and at that moment i was so content with everything in my life and nothing mattered except the fact that i was getting to see my favorite band of all time and they were better than ever.
i also got to see alot of people i havent seen in awhile and that was pretty awesome too.but i noticed something last night,alot of the people there,were there for the people and for the social part of the concert.but i was there for the music,for the opprotunity to get to see such an amazing band play so close to home.sure it was nice to see those people but even if i hadnt it still would have been the best show ever.
lifes good.im going through a stage in my life though where i want to have everything in my life sorted out.i wish i could change myself in the fact that i wont always have such mixed feelings about things.that causes problems for me and those around me.but in time i will have that all figured out.and i have no current worries about that at the moment. |
|
|
| taking our chances, getting our thrills, taking and taking but never getting our fill. |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | glassjaw. | ] |
i've recently been very happy.i've figured out who in my life makes me happy and who has been bringing me down.and even the fact that i've figured those things out makes me happy.yea ive had my bad days, but my good days have dominated them numerously.and that hasnt happened in quite a long time.
and i AM, despite what people may say , currently single.and i intend on keeping it that way, as long as possible.im not made for relationships,they're difficult, time conssuming, and i also dont enjoy any of the drama that comes along with them.i wish more people would understand the way i feel about this shit. people dont even try to understand either, they just disregard everything i say and assume that just because i like to have sex and do not like relationships,that im a slut.the way i see it is, you dont have to be in love to have sex, but you should care about the person, and not just throw yourself out there to every guy you meet.you shouldnt have to lie to someone and pretend you feel a certain way to get them.i have made many mistakes regarding guys, and i've learned something new each time.and im happy because of that as well.
tonight i had the opprotunity to get completely wasted but i chose not to,because unlike some people these days i dont need alcohol to be content with my life.yea i know what your thinking, its cause she smokes weed, right? thats not why i smoke weed at all, i admit i do at certain times smoke weed to make myself feel better about some issues, but mostly i smoke it just because its an incredibly awesome drug,and i like to.i dont do it to smoke away my worries, cause i know that if i do that, then when the high has worn off the problem is still gonna be there until you suck it up and deal with it, or solve the issue at hand.alcohol and drugs should never be used as an anti-depressant.cause trust me, it wont work, and in some cases it could end up making things worse.
i think ive come to the conclusion that tripping is my all time favorite thing to do.for some reason, even though your under the influence of a drug, your so real.and your pretty much the only thing that is, things you see and feel may not be but you are.your straight forward and honest about alot more things then you normally would be.and for me, tripping makes me think about shit in a different way, and think about shit i should be, but i refuse to think about when im sober and what not.
i cant quit smoking cigarettes, i wish i could but its really difficult for me.and i spend far too much money(that i dont have to spend)on cigs.im basically paying for black lungs.
last school year when things werent all too great, i started writing about my life, letting all my thoughts out onto paper makes me feel better for some odd reason.writing is such an amazing stress relief for me,and its time away from all the shit that goes on from day to day.i've decided to add to what ive previously written, adding shit from the end of the year through the summer to now, and i hope that i continue writing it.cause it'd be really awesome if one day i could get it published, yea im dreaming but at least i have a dream.this time last year, i wasnt thinking about anything but drugs, alcohol, cigs and boys.yea drugs, alcohol, cigs and boys are still constantly on my mind, but i have so much more to think about and look forward to then i ever had before.i also have more legitimate reasons to be happy.hey i guess thats growing up though.
that is all for now.
im still very excited about 311.
which is only in 5 days :) |
|
|
| musics what i need to keep my sanity. |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | image is nothing.lobsters are everything. | ] |
im stoked that this summer is going to end with a little 3eleven
(in which i'll be jammin out to in killer seats)
and a whole lot of punkrawkness.
Vans Warped Tour 2005
The Offspring
The Transplants
Fall Out Boy
MCR
Strung Out
Relient K
Dropkick Murphy's
Thrice
The Starting Line
Senses Fail
MXPX
Something Corporate
Avenged Sevenfold
Matchbook Romance
Atreyu
Millencolin
Mae
Glory Of This
Backside Slappy
Dead 60's
33 West
Kinison
Bedouin
Sound Clash
Funeral For A Friend
The Bled
Saosin
Over It
ASG
Valient Thorr
Bleeding Through
Gratitude
Street Dogs
Go Betty Go
The Fight
Skindred
The Briefs
Motion City Soundtrack
Reggie & the Full Effect
Bella Morte
Sol Tribe
Westbound Train
Brain Failure
The Track Record
Adelphi
Split Fifty
The Miasmics
Emery
Boys Night Out
Hopesfall
Yesterdays Rising
Roses Are Red
Armor For Sleep
Greely Estates
ATFEH
how chill is that?
soooo chill. |
|
|
| how i wish you were here,we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,year after year. |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|10:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pink floyd. | ] |
i could honestly just sit for hours listening to someone play guitar.
theres just something about it thats soothing.everything just goes away for awhile.and i get lost in the music.its one of the best feelings in the world.
i dont know what i would do without music,its such an amazing thing.but there are so many people who misuse their talent.the way i see it is, play what you feel,and feel what you play.
my dads going to teach me how to play guitar.
i need something to take my mind off of the difficult things that come and go in my life.
something legal.
<3. |
|
|
| yo quiero fumar! |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|03:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cypress hill | ] |
i have a huge issue with control.
how come everything has to be my way?
i've fucked up too many good things becaaause i just cant freaking get over the fact that i cant always win.i just hope i dont screw things up this time around. |
|
|
| Blahshimmidydah: MAN ITS BEEN 2 DAYS SINCE IVE HAD DICK FUCK ME! |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|10:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  very happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | no use for a name | ] |
so yesterday was my final day at first colonial,which is fucking fantastic (on the contrary it is not my last year in high school)i can't believe i actually made it through this year,no need for me to go into any details.lets just say, i've never been so happy to get out of school.while everyone around me is having mixed feelings about this year ending,and how they are gonna miss everyone,to be honest,im sitting here thinking,i couldnt care less if i ever saw some of these people again.(i know how that sounds,but when someone causes drama for you time and time again,you just give up on caring)besides i've come to the conclusion that even your best friends can become your worst enemies,so therefore i only consider people as an occupation of my time.they aren't friends,they ARE at one time or another going to; "talk shit" behind your back, lie to you, take advantage of you, ditch you, and countless other things people consider fucked up.i'd be lying if i said i wouldnt miss some of you when next year rolls around and im no longer going to see you everyday,and i wish you guys the best of luck in everything you do,regardless of the shit we've been through this year.this is the first year that my life has consisted of strictly guys,i haven't really been close to any girls this year.the only girl i've been even remotely close to at the beginning of this year was kacie and its not very easy to hang out with someone when their brother would rather die then see your face.as the year was dying down, i started becoming chill with more and more girls,which doesnt happen very often,for some reason girls dont exactly like me,and to be blunt,i cant stand most of them.i've been cool with alot of people on and off as well,that isn't the kind of relationship that you want to have with someone or someones.and then theres the people that i just can't get along with for longer than a week,the same people that i've exchanged 100 apoligies with,the same people that can make me so happy but at the same time are the only people who can weaken me.oh yeah i cant forget the people that start rumors for no apparent reason,and should expect revenge,especially when it deals with myself.and there are the people that have been there with you the whole way that you know way too much about,and know way too much about you and you can act completely retarded with and nothing else really matters cause you dont care what they think of you,i'd like to thank majkut for being the only person as retarded as me,that can actually just sit and talk to me about random shit for hours.there was a time when i wanted something to work out so bad,that i would have done anything to make it work.now it just doesnt seem like that can happen anymore.i blame that on myself,and to him i would like to apoligize,once again.theres those people that you've had beef with for as long as you can remember and finally one day you get along [like my fellow geow,who rules and is someone who truely understands what i've been through]or those people you had a very horrible first impression of then when you talk to them you realize that you really shouldnt believe everything you hear,and that sometimes first impressions can be deceiving.seany naylor is coming home,which is something were all really stoked about.vb weather is really gay,but its pretty sweet that its been hot outside lately,those are only two of the things that reassure me that this summer will be better then this school year.theres alot of unfinished buisness in my life,and alot of decisions to be made,and alot of feelings to sort out,but hopefully i can go back to being rachel.i've changed alot since who i used to be last year,in some good ways and many bad ways.i just wish i could balance my life out more,and find some meaning to all this bullshit i've been going through.im just happy that things are so much better now.and im dead and determined to make this summer the best,and if it can be better then last summer then it will truely be the perfect summer. |
|
|
| idntevnkno: wasnt she like nike wearing in middle school ? |
[May. 29th, 2005|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | IamtheMajkut: lushy poo | ] |
| [ | music |
| | AsNightSetsIn: atreyu makes me wana DO IT | ] |
is everyones life as crazy,dramatic,insane,out of control,nutty,amusing,awesome,entertaining and ironic as mine? doubt it |
|
|
| these days all i can do is smile :) |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|04:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy and blazed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lagwagon | ] |
As you're in this search for something to hate
I can feel you rally up on someone with your peers
But can you stand alone? Can you take the long way home?
I've been stuck inside this circle a hundred times before
and I feel safer in the eye of the storm
You can throw your stones,
I'll only bleed for you for one day
They all answer to the heresay
But they will only care for one day
It's so small, it's so small
And i would love to show you all
I can see you in the middle of a doubt
You told them we had a falling out
Sic the dogs on me, as you take the easy way out
And i will be the freak show when your circus comes to town
And I will rain on your parade without a sound
We'll draw a crowd, it's only breaking down
For one day
I graduate this class with honors
And I will never fail drama
Making friends
It's so small
Will you still hate me tomorrow? |
|
|
| tell me something i dont know.. |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | led zepplin | ] |
okay so i just dont get it.when someone doesnt like someone they always bash them with words like slut,or bitch,or whore,and some stupid immature highschool reference to some kind of foolish gossip.people are soo dramatic these days.cant we all just get along? i mean im not saying i enjoy everyone,cause i certainly dont,but i just see no reason for people to go around saying immature things about other people cause of some kind of stupid mistake the made,or thing they said,NEWS FLASH:EVERYONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE.if you didnt know that then you've obviously got some issues to sort out.shit happens,but life goes on..life is a neverending cycle of ups and downs and we just have to learn how to live with the bad stuff before we can learn how to enjoy the good stuff..i've been through so much shit this past year,you have no idea,but i've always had so many awesome times,and great friends,and crazy experiences i will never forget.but i sorta realized alot walking around school today,5 years from now,i will probably know around 4 or 5 of the people i spend everyday with this year,and im not gonna care about who fucked who,or who called me a slut,or who made up stupid rumors about me,i mean hey lets face it,i probably wont forget the whole geow thing,but thats just because that was blown way out of proportion and basically everyone in virgina beach has heard the word by now..but yeah what im getting at is high school is just a milestone in our lives,theres so much ahead of us,and im ready for a change.dont get me wrong,my life is great,but i have some things i need to work out,i need to start setting my priorities straight,im sick of all the neverending lectures about how im screwing up my life by skipping school everyday,and how im losing my opprutunity for a good education,i wasn't cut out for school,and i hate it,but who doesnt?who can honestly say they can sit and school and not think,wow i wish i was anywhere other then here,doing anything other then this..i mean but if most of you guys can get yours asses up in the morning and can sit in school for a whole day without skipping classes,then why can't i? im gonna try and do it for a change,and as for all the other shit in my life..im working on it all,i cant change what people think of me,i cant convince anyone whats the truth and whats rumor,and theres nothing i can do about the things that happened in the past except for say im sorry,i've made alot of mistakes,and i would take them back if i could,now theres not much i can do to fix any of that,i dont even know if i want to,or if i ever could or should for that matter,everything pretty much happens for a reason i guess,and alot of you have made me so much stronger then i've ever been before.and i sorta wanna say thanks,but on the other hand..well nevermind..another thing that i realized never ceases to upset me is,when im a bitch to someone,i hate it,i'll tear myself apart for days if i do even the slightest thing to make someone feel like shit,or piss someone off,i hate that more then anything.i used to not be like that,i used to not give a care in the world how i treated some people,but i've realized how it feels to be on the receiving end of it all,and it blows sometimes,and i dont want to be the person that makes people feel like that,i try my hardest to hold in my judgements,and let them have it in a more sincere matter.hurtful words arent always the best way to get through to someone,i've figured that out time and time again.i've noticed lately who have been my real friends in my life,and it's suprising to me to realize that i still,and will probably always know them better then anyone.theres just those people that no matter how much time you've spent apart from each other,you can always tell when they're upset,or when they're mad,that they have a lying face,or when they like someone or when they are truly happy.those are the people that you sincerly got to know,and you learned to love.not just the people you spent time with,or hung out with on vacation,or smoked pot with from time to time.these are your real friends,the people that have really made a impact on your life.and even if you dont know them 5 years from now,youll always remember them.just like youll remember your first love,your first heartbreak,your first kiss,the person you lost your virginity too,the person who never took no for an answer,the person who got you to try pot,the people that taught you what it was to love your friends more then anything else in the world..this is all just part of growing up..i dont know why i felt like getting all intense,today was just a weird day,and it made me think alot.i hope i turn out alright,despite the fact i've fucked up quite a few times in my life,i want to be remembered for something good,not for being a pothead slut that gets fucked up too much,i wanna be something..and im gonna do everything i can do make that happen.time for a cig and a nap.
<3 |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
missrachelferny's journal
anxious
hm.